Am I being emotional?

I am not sure but I really know that I have been long waiting.
Wait....waiting...and waited. Will I be tired.....?

That is the question flying thru my head.
Waited for the holiday, waited at the airport, waited for him to return from work and I am now waiting again. Again for the right moment, when is that another 3 yrs?

Times flying off by and I am here waiting.

I couldn't understand what actually I am waiting for? The Mr Right to return?
Is he the Mr Right that I have been waiting for? I was never doubted not sure if I am starting to have the doubt now.

Ppl says he changed, he is nice and he loves me.
But sometimes I do wonder...what if we were never back?
Will it happen like my dream, I have him back but instead he is other's boyfriend and having the fear of being slapped by the rightful owner.

Was I been truly loved or just that I have been here for so long and he just gets use to it?
Tiring of starting something over again and the journey again.
For me? I would rather love him with the true heart then just getting used to it.

My fear was there and is still there...
That I will loose him one day and he walked out of my life with the sentence "I only think of her when I see her". The line that once shattered my heart and change my life.

I have been addicted.....
But I know the boundary is there...and I will walk out if I have to.....

"How do you feel when you have to be the strong one? "

Question? Question?
It always fills my head.

Can you see my heart is aching under the rain,
Breakaway and let me heel the pain,
From the soul of the man who is uncertain.

Laying upon the pillow holding back the tears,
soon streaming down with the heart full of fears...
I understand there's no future for us here,
Guess I fool myself into thinking there was, Now you make it clear.

The moment, the memories and the nightmare keep haunting me
Days, months, years and decade we have been
It does get us going strong but weakness just have to set in,
and can I still be strong to keep this going...

Here I am looking out the window,
I'm dreaming about you and yet can't let go
Should I just end this relationship gracefully
Telling you I have move on and my heart bleeding profusely

I could no longer stand and keep this forever,
The fear on the past repeating over
I don't want to live with this anymore
I can't get over yesterday, it's never over.....

I don't wanna hear about it anymore.....
All the teasing, the complaint and bla bla bla...

Was that the last message sent across...
a friendship that had just ended in misery.
Is a shame that we got to live it this way...
We don't need to talk about it, Yesterday's just a memory.
Can we close the door? But we sure did. For what reason?
Nobody knows why.

A friendship that was lost in the battle of ego; Egoism has sacrifices the group, who once bring fun, happiness and the greatest time to everyone.
Anger has burn out the friends which are now the enemies.
Victory and ego is that more crucial than friendship?

Will the friendship we once have ended today?

Looking forward to be friends again.....

Love is...

Love is very abstract feelings which no words could help define the meaning of it. Why you love a person? What do you love in a person?
Will you be loved? Will the love be forever?

Someone can be so blinded not realising that they are being love and taking it for granted. Love is blind, is it really that blind? You would go the extreme to have a person notice you and yet the person just doesn't feel it.....even songs was written..."you don't even know I'm alive Baby, to you all I am the invisible man".....a song that I will remember...

Someone can also fall in love as they say love at first sight. Is it really loved at first sight? Love is such a big word, how can it happen at first sight? But it does happen anyway, the important thing in a relationship is to be love and love in return. So no matter what kind of love it is as long as love blossom for the couple, it means eternity for their love.

But does love really last or be eternity... the vow "till death do us part". How true is the vow, hmmm...am sure many has broken it. Even till their hairs are grey, their hearts could change. Think of it properly is this the power of love? Or this is just another fling or something you've been looking for which you have been missing in your relationship.

I believe if you look deep down yourself, you know what love means and who you really love. The person is just next to you...don't take them for granted. Love them while you still can and cherish it. The world is such a huge place and is so hard to find the person you love and you love in return.

Love does make someone happy and someone unhappy.....

Insecurity...

Something which most of us has the fear for.

Love can be so strong yet are threaten by insecurity.
Insecurity makes you sick in the mind and makes your heart ache.
It has been said that a gal's instinct is always correct.

A person may be next to you and how you know he is not cheating on you. I guess this is when trust plays its part. You may trust a person, but what if you are betrayed before. Will the trust be there?

History maybe history but it sure haunt you, and stayed in your mind that it actually happened in reality. No wonder some believe that once the trust is broken, it can never be mend. You can sure earn someone trust with your full effort but it just takes a mistake to blow everything away.

The Simplest Things In Life Became The Most Complicated by loving a person....

Love could not be define by words...

Love makes a person sad, happy, insecure, feeling butterfly in their stomach, betrayed, excited....

Those who are in love will look forward everyday to meet the person they love. Talking to them will make them feel butterfly in their stomach. Your heart skips a beat when you are noticed. Soon you will be the love birds so close together and could not survive even a day apart which seems like years...

But everything sweet also comes with something bitter ...Understanding each other and the argument. The test you have to pass thru after all the sweetness and excitement. The successful one will pull it thru but the one that failed will be left behind.

And the most important part trusting each other. Often trust is being taken for granted. One will not cherish the things they have until they really lost it and are too late. Not like a song you can rewind. What have been done and spoken cannot be rewind.

How sure one can be that the other half is theirs for the rest of their life as per the wedding vow they say in front of all their friends and family. Will your partner fall in love again with another person? Will you fall in love with another person? I guess there are no words which could guaranty this or hold one back. But I do believe if the person fallen out of love, it means the end. No point to hold the physical person with you when the mind and heart is not with you. Let him go and everyone's life will be much happier.

The world now is so much different. Divorce is a norm and no longer something embarrassing... One can fall in love with anyone...this is uncontrollable. Let love fly freely, follow your heart...Growing old with the person you love is the best part of life. Will this be a big challenge to all....

Never to live your life full of regrets, looking back on all the what if...you only live once, cherish and live it to the fullest....

Silent has spoken

Finally the silent and ignorance has been spoken. We have a chat on the future and the present obstacles that is blocking the future. Love is actually a fairy tale? At times...is it true that people live happily ever after? The question mark in your head that will never be a given answer.

After much ignorance, silence and we finally talk...I guess that was the great obstacle that was distributing me for weeks....or should it be months. I thought we have the strongest foundation when I left him on the idyllic island to proceed my life. Down the memory lane that we once have the time in between with the common space. But the world doesn't revolves around only the 2 lovers...I believe this is heaven to know. Once again tested to stand againts time and distance. Look ahead gal...look ahead. Stop turning back....

The comfort that we provide both no words could describe and only the action tells a thousand words. We could feel the love inside of us, will we be the husband and wife in future? A big big question mark...but no matter what happened, we assure each other that will have each other to the day we die, may not be as a couple but the best of friend that no one could ever be replaced. I hope this stay true...

Why love have to be so cruel at times...I miss you, I love you and yet I can't be with you and all the obstacles..obstacles... Tested again and again....frustration again and again. The big stone has been unlock from the heart. We will have the faith.....but only time would tell will this fairy tale be happily ever after....

When we two parted, in silence and tears
Half broken hearted, to serve for years

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,
colder thy kiss,
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this

The dew of the morning,
Sunk chill on my brow
It felt like the warming of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken
And light is thy fame,
I hear th name spoken and share in it's shame.

Once a upon a time, the fairy tale starts...

A girl was brought into this world, she was not delivered to the silver spoon nor the bed of roses but instead the thorns....A kingdom who loses the king...but manage by the Queen. Life was not as beautiful as it is, going through the growing up pain...well, everyone has the gloomy days...I have the gloomy years. But am thankful for it as it makes me strong and learn life the hard way. But all gloomy days always be with the sun follows...

The most memorable moment will be the adventures teenage years...I found my lost soul...the so called twin sister that I lost last life. Life was indeed adventurous, we play together, we walk together, we cycle together and we shop together...we even fall together for the guy that makes us swear to each other. The funny part is, from then on....we part but deep inside we know we still have each other. Till one day we realized that our friendship was indeed more precious and can stand the test of guys...there has been a belief that guys will be the root cause of a failed friendship but that was not for us. We make it through with dignity...She became someone I shared every moment of my life with till this day. We are apart though but I know in our hearts, we will always find the comfort zone with each other. Now we not only shared the juicy gossips together but the ups and downs of love life together. Comforting each other when we argue with our boyfriend or the cold moment of break-up. No matter how bad the situation is, we know look deep inside we still have someone who shared the sorrow and lend a shoulder to cry on.

Is like a curse to us...we will never be together side by side but we have the unique friendship that we can never find elsewhere. The decade we spend together chasing each other...after school...we part as she went abroad...came the days she returned. We were still apart...on in central, one in north...then we decided to move forward and work for the same company and we did! But with just for a few weeks...with me moving up north...she decided to move to central. Sometimes, makes us wonder, is this the trick to hold this friendship together.

“True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.”

Is the happiest moment, the moment you spend together? Time has been passing by, so much you have missed and time is catching up. How can one tell when it is enough or the right time? How you know what will happen tomorrow and when you will get to complete your moment or wish on time....

I guess we should be thankful enough to appreciate what we have now. There might be others out there who are less fortunate or not able to love the person that loved them. Like a set of jigsaw puzzle, you need the right piece to be fitted with the other...but not at all times you are able to find the missing piece.

Love can be so beautiful and yet so tragic....you put up your utmost faith in the relationship but was always set down with the disappointment with love running out of rhyme. Tested again and again, to go through the thick and thin. Tiredness soon to set in, yet you are still pushing yourself to the end.....Having your believe in it. When will the burning candle stop burning...
Level by level, door by door we pass this relationship, is it still a long way? Those moment that we nearly lost our ways, at a cross road to confuse on, only those who can see it through love, walks on. I see through the angel behind you that helped me through and hope not to be abandoned half way.....

I always believe in this phrase "If you really love him, you gotta set him free and if he returns in kind you know he is yours"

There is only one happiness in life, to love and to be loved. - George Sand -

Couples seen holding hands, whispering away as the soft giggle follows...as I watched with envy. Is this the way you have chosen? Far and away from the one you love.

Every time spends together is so short ...here comes the weekend that I have been long waiting for. Meeting him finally, with the empty heart filled and energised for the moment. Holding his hands with full of warmth, it just lifts you up into the sky as though an angel has grant you their wings to fly. As we stroll along the walkway with all envy eyes on us, enjoying the hours which seems like minute. As the clock ticking, days are counted, finally the morning that you wake up and he has to leave for the land that you have chosen to stay away. The painful kiss goodbye.....and looking on to the weekend you will be spending again.

At times, you don't cherish the love around you till it is gone or no longer in your hand. Through trust, faith and full determination, you kept this love strong not allowing any space to step in between us. As you waited for the phone, the assurance of love through the cold technology, through emails which can't be filled with emotions and feelings but just plain text. You are always hoping for the moment you can just take off the mask of independence from your face and be the pampered kittens.

Why? Why all this? When you can just be by his side enjoy the everlasting moment. Is it true that you have to give up something to get other things? Soon the faith and determinations are tired, here comes the depression making you cry yourself to sleep. The tiredness of being strong was untold, the loneliness was not seen. We have our doubts when the wall which will be cracking slowly, bits by bits collapse.

As the morning comes, the sun shines, the birds chirping. You have forgotten again the loneliness and braising yourself through the corporate world, work and work. Putting on your chirpy and determination mask, telling yourself the thunderstorm has passed. Let’s look forward for another day of spring. You may lie to the world but the emptiness in your heart will always be there and not going away. You are trying to find comfort in pain.....